I mentioned a few days ago that our friends and part-time neighbors M and B — the ones who have the house right across the street from ours but whose résidence principale is up in Blois — appeared to have left to go spend autumn, winter, and spring up there. I should have known they'd soon be back, because M didn't come over to tell us they were leaving, as she normally does.
We saw them arrive on Sunday morning. Then they went out in the car again at lunchtime, leaving the shutters on their street-side open. That meant they'd be back before evening. They were probably going out to lunch with one of M's two sisters who live here in the Saint-Aignan area. M grew up here, over in Noyers, as did her seven sisters and brothers. She's in her mid-80s now, but you'd never know it from the way she looks, not to mention the clear mind and the energy she has.
B is M's husband. They've been married for 63 years. We've known them since our first days here back in 2003. They've included us in many gatherings of their friends and family — they have seven children and 15 or 20 of grandchildren, as well a some great-grandchildren now. B is a few years older than M, and he has been in declining health for the past 4 or 5 years. He has Alzheimer's disease, I believe. He's fairly deaf and he's blind in one eye. But he always has a big smile when he sees us, and a strong handshake. He born the same year as my mother, who passed away six months ago.
Well, yesterday morning M came over and rang the bell at our front gate. I went down to talk to her. She brought us a big bowl of nectarines from one of their trees. Elles ne sont pas très belles, she said of the nectarines, but they'll be good for making jam or a pie. We think bringing the fruit was just a pretext for M to come over and say good-bye to us.
We're going back to Blois today, M said, and I don't know when we'll be back. We're giving our car to one of our sons-in-law, she continued. If we decide to come back to Saint-Aignan, one of our daughters will have to drive us down here. Walt and I already knew about their plans for the car, but I thought M and B intended to buy a smaller car that they'd be able to drive down here once in a while. No, M said, when I mentioned it. B is giving up driving for good. We've been pushing the limits for a while now, M said. For the past couple of
years, she added, I've been thinking that B shouldn't be behind the
wheel, given his age and his poor health. It's just too dangerous — ce n'est pas très prudent
So we've made the decision. We're turning the page — une page se tourne — and I don't know if we'll ever come here to spend more than a few hours again... if one of our daughters can drive us. M herself doesn't drive.
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I told M this was hard news for us to hear. We'll miss them. And I told her we'd come see them in Blois from time to time. I'll call you this fall, M said, and have you and Walt come for lunch one day. We'll all stay in touch. This is a sad moment for us — but it's especially sad for M, of course. She and B bought their "house in the country" in 1970, so they've spent many happy summers here in Saint-Aignan.
Meanwhile, there are only six of us old-timers left in the neighborhood. There are nine houses. Two owners come and spend a few days or even weeks here once in a while. However, the "hamlet" is starting to feel lonely. One neighbor lost his wife to cancer a couple of years ago, and he's not doing at all well either. Several other neighbors have passed on since we came to live here fifteen years ago.
Some young people have bought a house three doors down from ours, but we don't know them at all. Our other three full-time neighbors are all older than I am — and I'll be 70 on my next birthday. Walt and I think we're going to stay here for the next decade or longer, but who knows if I'll still be able to manage the stairs in a three-story house 10 years from now, or if we'll be able to take care of the yard and garden at that point.
Right now it's time for my walk in the vineyard with Tasha.
Old age is not a piece of cake! In other words, la vieillerie, c'est pas d'la tarte!
ReplyDeleteOld age is not for sissies, my mother and her friends used to say.
DeleteKen, my grandmother always said this too. I'm beginning to get it...
DeleteI'm not too far behind you age wise Ken. I have started being concerned a bit about the aging thing myself. I have no close family and I know I need to prepare for whatever is in store for me in the future. I will worry about it another day! As much as I love the coast and the sound of the sea, the countryside that you call home appears to be a little spot of heaven. The early morning walks in the orchards reminds me of the farm, except it was tobacco fields! Your mother & friends were right...getting old "ain't" for sissies! 😎
ReplyDeleteMy mother made her big decision when she was 75. She asked me and my sister if one of us would ever want to come live in her house in Morehead after she died. We both said no. Well, then I'm selling the place, she said. She was tired of house maintenance hassles, and most of her long-time neighbors had passed on. New people moved into the neighborhood, and they were much younger. She said I needed to come home (it was in 2005) and help her, especially since I had left things like books there when I moved to France. We cleaned up and cleaned out house and garage, and the house sold in three or four days for much more than mom had ever thought it would be worth. She moved into an apartment and lived there happily for a dozen years until cancer took her six months ago. If I were living alone, I'd be thinking the time for a move had come. But so far I'm not. I'm becoming much more of an indoor person now, focused on... guess what... cooking.
DeleteI'm sorry to read this about your neighbors... for their sakes, for your sakes, and for the reality of aging, smacking us all in the face. It must be an especially hard road, with B having alzheimers.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how much you know this is going to happen, it's still shocking and demoralizing. One of our first friends in Saint-Aignan was Jean-Luc. I remember talking to him about the people we knew, and he said, yes, we are going to have to watch as they "disappear" one by one. And then in 2009, he was gone. You never know until it happens...
Deletei keep thinking of how one of us would/could manage in this house in the woods alone.....it really takes 2 to deal with a lot of things around here.....we can at least live all on one level, even though we have a 2nd story....but in winter by yourself it would be tough.
ReplyDeleteWe could move our bedroom back down to the main level of our house, but that would defeat the purpose of having had our attic or loft finished off, 8 years ago, to expand our living space. When we had the loft done up, we didn't have a bathroom put in as part of the job. That's our next project. Then I wouldn't have to worry about falling down the stairs in the dark in the middle of the night. We're hoping to get the upper-level bathroom put in this winter. Wish us luck.
DeleteMy (older) sister had a stair lift installed. That turned out to be a very good investment, because she was able to reach the top floor for a very, very long time. Have you ever thought of that Ken? Would it be possible in your house? Greetings from Perth!
ReplyDeleteHi Jan, so far I don't have a problem climbing the stairs, but I do worry about falling down them when I need to go downstairs in the dark. I don't know if we would have room for a stair lift. Maybe.
DeleteMy brother had a stair lift installed several years ago for his wife before she went into a specialized facility. He never used it, but now he does for the first time at age 98 years old! Better late than never!
DeleteWhat Judith said. This is all just sad.
ReplyDeleteLove your photos today and your thoughts about life. It's so sweet that M came over like always and was such a good friend to you and Walt. And what a joy that family of hers is and will be to her and her husband. Who knows how long you'll be strong enough for the steps, many people say they are good for us. The new bathroom will be great. Each day is a blessing, but we all are just traveling through our time. Carry on and bon courage.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a place where you can put a night light so the stairs won't be completely dark? At the least, that could be an interim solution.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about M and B. Difficult decisions, but it sounds as if they've made the right one, getting him out of the driver's seat.
We have night lights in just about every room and stairway in the house. Those, combined with the digital clocks and other lights on the computers and tablets, actually make the house glow faintly from the inside at night!
DeleteGreat episode in a great blog
ReplyDeleteBest
JP
husifrankrike.com
Thank you for the kind comment, JP.
Delete