Watching Laurent Ruquier's TV show on France 2 a couple of nights ago. One of the
chroniqueurs, Pierre Bénichou, answering his co-chroniqueur Elsa Fayère in mock anger, said: "D'abord, ne me tutoyez pas en public !" ("Don't say
tu to me in public!") So they say
tu to each other in private, but
vous to each other on the TV show. All the
chroniqueurs and Laurent Ruquier say
vous to each other during the show. That's probably just for the show, and probably doesn't apply offstage, where they say
tu to each other.
With one exception: Claude Sarraute, a retired journalist at Le Monde, says
tu to almost everybody. She is over 80 years old, and she says she now uses the
tu form with anyone younger than she is.
Here in Saint-Aignan, it seems like nearly everybody says
tu to everybody else.
In 2003 when we met J.-L., who is 6 or 7 years younger than I am, he said
tu to me immediately. His friend G., a woman 20 years older than I am, told him to stop using
tu with everybody he meets. I told them that in this case I preferred
tu instead of
vous.
A few weeks later, we were with at our neighbors' house (M., 70-year-old woman, and B., 75-year-old man) having lunch with them and the woman we bought our house from, J., who is 77. Somehow the subject of whether we should use the
tu or
vous forms with each other came up. Up to that moment, we were all addressing each other as
vous, the polite form. M. looked at J., a friend since the early 1980s, and said, "But J., I don't think I could ever use the
tu form with you." J. looked crestfallen. But that was the end of that. She clearly wanted to be addressed as
tu.
M. then looked at me and said: "Ken, I don't know if I can permit myself to say
tu to you." I didn't really know what to make of that, but I encouraged her to try. Then we started addressing each other as
tu and have continued to do so for the past 2 years. She had no problem saying
tu to Walt, she said. He is 25 years her junior.
A few days later, I had occasion to call J. on the telephone. I began the telephone conversation by reminding her that we had agreed to say
tu to each other, and told her that that was my intention. She seemed pleased, and we have been on the
tu basis ever since. Remember, she is more than 20 years older than I am.
Through G., we have become acquainted with S., a woman who was born in the U.S. to a French mother and an American father. She has lived in France since she was six years old, so to us she seems perfectly French. Her spoken French is perfect. But all the French people describe her as an American. S. has stated at least twice, during parties where she and I have been guests, that she doesn't say
tu to anybody.
At one event in July 2005, J.-L. (who obviously prefers
tu) was talking to S. She used the
vous form in speaking to him. He said, S., you can use the
tu form with me -- and he used the
tu form with her to say this. She again replied that she doesn't use the
tu form with anybody.
We have had daily bread delivery for about a year now. The woman who delivers the bread is a very friendly, talkative person who must be in her 40s. She and I dance back and forth. She calls me
monsieur, which to me is very formal, and sometimes she uses
vous when she speaks to me. Other days, she uses
tu when she talks to me. I try to use
tu with her, but sometimes it feels awkward, and I slip back into the
vous form.
Use of
tu and
vous is one of the things I find the most interesting about the French language. Most other European languages have an equivalent pronoun distinction, and English used to (
you vs.
thee and
thou). One of the most interesting aspects is the transitional moment when you go from using the polite
vous form with a person to the more intimate
tu form, when it happens, how it happens, and what it means to a relationship. More later...